So I am leaving this blog and starting again

Let's Cut The Fat

I need a change

I really need a kick in the ass and a slap in the face.

I SAY I will be better
I SAY that I will track
I dont.

I have no idea where to get motivation from.
I read other people's blogs hoping to find motivation that way....doesn't work.

I am not sure what to do
I weighed myself yesterday.....after eating some chips and dip.... I was back to where I was when I rejoined a year ago....sigh. 261.....261...... man things are not going well for me and I need to get myself out of this junk food hole.

100

Yes this is post number 100.
I don't really have anything special to say.
No good news, nothing fun.....just that this is post 100.

By this time I wanted to lose a lot more weight than I have so far.
it's been a year since I decided to get back into losing weight and I have only lost 5lb since then. I really wish I could get myself back to where I was 3 years ago when I lost 52lb. I kick myself when I think about how much weight I have put back on.

The broken leg (which still hasn't healed) has really put a damper on everything. It has messed with my emotions as it has ruined some things for me and is making my life really difficult right now. I can't do my job the way it should be done, I can't exercise, I cant drive for long periods, it's hard to go anywhere on my own. My contract at work is ending and I need to find a job. Who is gonna want to hire someone who cant walk without crutches??? especially to work in a lab.

This Friday is 24 weeks since I broke my leg!!!! that is almost half of the year!!!!! It is beyond getting ridiculous now!!!

Enough of that sadness!
I have decided that now that the wedding is over, and I am back from my honeymoon that it was time to get my but back in gear and at least eat healthy. Well I decided this yesterday and what did I eat..... 1/2 bag of dill pickle chips.....eek! I have been craving them for weeks and just fel like I needed them. Now I need John to finish them so I wont.

I did some grocery shopping and tried to get some foods that I can eat that are healthier for me. I think I did pretty good! Now to get back into tracking mode and I will be back 100%

MRS. RIDLEY!!!

I am now married!! I got married on June 27 to the love of my life and it was a great day!!!

When I get more pictures I will definitely post them. Here are some that were taken with my mom's camera (none from the ceremony as she was part of it).

I am going on my Honeymoon this Saturday on a Western Caribbean Cruise.

After all of this I NEED to get back on track!! I am seeing myself slowly getting larger and it ain't looking pretty.

Because I am not walking as much (you know because of the broken leg still......sigh), I am losing a lot of muscle mass and I am putting on fat. SOOOOOO not good! My belly is getting larger and soon clothes are not going to fit properly.

Once I get back from my honeymoon, I am going to be more strict about my food!! If we are going to start a family in the near future I need to get myself healthy!!!!!

I really need to be eating better. I can say that this week has been better than last week, but I have gotten myself into the "I really don't FEEL like cooking" mood, which is not really a mood to be in. I look in my cupboards and none of the food in them appeal to me. I guess I am just board with my food but not sure what I want to do with mix or spice it up. It would really help if I could just run to the store and grab something to cook.....sigh.

I am driving now, since I can put 50% pressure on my leg (it doesn't take that much pressure to press the gas pedal), the issue is that it takes so much time to get in and out of the car.

I get to my car and put the crutches in the passenger seat. I take my air cast off and put it in the passenger seat. I carefully put a shoe on my foot of the broken leg.....this is a challenge because my foot is still swollen and I cant just yank the shoe on. Then I drive. When I get to my destination, shoe comes off, boot goes on, get out of car, grab crutches and go....... then the process goes over again when I am done in the store -- I also cant push a shopping cart very well.
This is going to be a long few months.....AGAIN!



On a different note, I decided that I needed to somehow make some more money and for a while didn't know what I was going to do. I have now figured that out!!
I am now an Independent EcoAdvisor for OnlyGreen. OnlyGreen sells environmentally friendly products including beauty & health products, baby care, household products, clothing & accessories, paper & plastic alternatives etc. and I am selling these products.

If you are interested check out the Spring Summer Catalogue: http://www.onlygreen.com/media/files/Catalog_SpringSummer09.pdf

And if you would like to purchase any products you can do so through me:
http://www.ea.onlygreen.com/nikishagrant
nikishagrantridley@hotmail.com

Anxious

That is how I am feeling.....
Just about the wedding and everything happening. It's coming so fast. If doesn't feel like that long ago I got engaged, but that was 18 months ago!

Just trying to tie up some loose strings, but so far so good.

As for the leg....
I had my Doctor's appointment for my leg. This Friday will mark week 18 wince the break and I am still hobbling around on crutches.
My doctor informed me that it will be at LEAST 2 more months again that I have to use the crutches and I cannot weight bare more than 50% on my broken leg.
UGGGH this healing process is soooooo slow. Different doctors keep asking me if I am a smoker or if I live with a smoker because it can slow down the bone healing process. The answer to both is NO.

The doctor has given me permission to walk down the aisle with a cane, so I am happy about that. Less likely to get my dress all dirty and easier to get down the aisle. It's pretty short so I think I will be good.

What sucks is that I have this stupid boot on ALL SUMMER!!!! It is going to get sweaty and stinky and I wont be able to do a lot of the activity that I was planning on doing this summer. I wanted to ride my bike to work, I wanted to go for hikes with John, so I guess I will have to wait another year for that.

WW
Like I said before I haven't really been following it, but just trying to maintain. I had a bad week eating wise last week (or maybe it was 2 weeks ago) where I had KFC, McDonald's, Dairy Queen and I think Burger King all in the same week. SOOOOOOO not good for me! This week I have been much better in watching what I eat. As long as I don't gain I am happy. Once the wedding is done I am going to focus more on my points again. There is just so much in my brain right now that points have been pushed on the back burner. That will change soon!

An Apology

To everyone who reads my blog.

I was feeling lousy for a while and not myself, and really didn't feel like announcing anything about my life to the world.
Things are a lot better.

I have also been pretty busy. I get married in 20 days, so I am trying to finalise things with all of the vendors and what not. Also last week we booked our honeymoon!!!!!

John and I are SOOOOOO excited!!! we are going on a Western Caribbean cruise with Carnival from July 11-18. We visit Ocho Rios Jamaica, Grand Cayman Cayman Island, and Cozumel Mexico.

As for the weight thing, I was actually just trying to maintain. I cant afford to have my dress altered some more (as I was just getting it hemmed) and I fit into it perfect. Once the wedding happens I will be back to full on weight loss mode.

I will try more to post. I think many of my posts will be more wedding related for the next 3 weeks, so hope you don't mind :)

**sigh**

So I am sitting here at work....bored out of my mind and hungry!!
All I want to do is get a poutine and chips and sit in front of the TV and eat them!!!!!
I know not the best choices, but that's kind of how I feel right now. I am not sure. I don't feel unhappy or anything, but I just feel Blah........

I think because I cant actually do my intended job at work that its really getting to me now. I cant really carry acid samples down the hall with crutches...that is just asking for trouble. Work now just seems like a place to go, not a place to do something.

**sigh**

So I did alright yesterday. Tracked everything. Ate half of a Cinnamon bun that I didn't plan on eating (man I wish these weren't in the house), but I tracked it.

Today I hope will be much better.
I have no idea what I am going to make for dinner. This is where difficulty comes in. If John doesn't pull something for me to cook for dinner, I end up having something that's not so good, only because the deep freeze is in the basement and it is hard to carry frozen meat up the stairs with crutches....... *sigh*

On another note, I have started to put some weight on my leg (very little) and use it a bit. The doctor didn't tell me I could, but the physiotherapists have looked at my xrays and MRI and said that my bones wont heal if they aren't used; I guess that could explain why I have had pretty much NO healing at all. I still use my crutches and only put a little weight on. I am afraid to do too much because I don't want to mess anything else up, especially before the wedding.

I was supposed to see my doctor today about my leg, a monthly check up. 3 weeks ago I get a letter saying that today's appointment was cancelled and that I will be contacted to be reschedule. I have yet to be contacted, and I called yesterday and was told that they haven't made new appointments yet for my doctor.
Where is my doctor?? Is he on vacation or something?? couldn't he have figured this out before making appointments?? who knows really.... I was just hoping to have 2 appointments before my wedding, now it looks like only one.

My weekend!

So my weekend....meh!

Things didn't get much better after my chip binge. I didn't continue to go crazy, but I didn't count ANYTHING.

Friday night...I ate 2/3 of a frozen pizza to myself.
Saturday night... Swiss chalet. I ordered the white meat, but I ate the skin and ordered fries instead of a salad.

WI Saturday morning wasn't horrible. I gained 0.5lb. I think the majority of that may have been water retention due to the sodium packed things I have eaten in the last few days.

Today I am back on track!
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I have realised this weekend that I think my body is under more stress than my brain thought. The ankle of my broken leg has been sore
I am in A LOT of pain most days because my hip is inflamed from walking on crutches
The big toe of my broken leg now has a fungal infection from the air cast
Planning my wedding (which is in 47 days)

Now I haven't felt very stressed mentally, but my body is telling me I am.
I get cold sores, and have for 20 years. They usually come if I am getting sick, or if I am stressed, and I only ever get them on my lip.
I woke up Saturday morning with my chin covered in them...about 6 of them.
UGH!!!

I think the combination of pain and the medications I am taking, then trying to have a normal life when I cannot walk and have to rely on others are causing my body to freak out.

To add to it John's nan was rushed to the hospital in my city from another (about 45 mins away) because of a massive heart attack and she needed surgery right away.

I need some time off!

UGH!!

In the last 2 days I have eaten 2 bags of chips. No, not the personal size bags, the big bags.
WHY??? For no apparent reason. Just because I had a craving and over did it.
I don't even want to know how many points that was.
I WI tomorrow morning, so I will just put it past me and start a new week

but i do feel pretty UGH! because of it.

Do little dance.....

.... Make a little love, get down tonight!

Ok well at least do a little dance, for me :)
Since recommiting to counting points all I have done is STS or gain weight. I was getting very frustrated.
Today I WI and lost 2.7lb!!! YAY ME!!!

This week the only change I did was that I didnt eat any of my flex points (until some last night). I think I may try that again since I am not being active.

As for my food today:
B
1 egg scrambled (2)
1 slice whole grain bread w jam (4)
1/2 cup chocolate milk & 1/2 cup 1% milk (2.5)

S
fruit smoothie (vanilla yogurt, banana, frozen berries, milk) (5)
orange (1)

L
breaded frozen fish fillet (3)
salad w tomato, mushrooms, cheese and renees light caesar dressing (3)

D
TBD; possibly homemade pizza on pita bread (6)

S- Frozen Yogurt (2)

Points Used: 28.5
Points Left: 2.5

FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD!!!

My mom went grocery shopping for me and I am sooooo happy!
I can now get really serious about my weight loss now. I have been without vegetables for about 3 weeks and without fruit for about a week and it has been hard to figure out what to eat. I have stayed within my points, but my choices were not always the greatest.

Some of the foods I got:
apples, oranges, bananas, broccoli, cauliflower, tomatoes, mushrooms, carrots, whole grain bread, chicken breasts, low fat lunch meat, tuna, cereal plus some other things.

Today's food kinda sucked until dinner which was very yummy!!!
Boneless skinless chicken breast, seasoned and grilled on the George Foreman, fried rice with mushrooms and green onions, and carrots.

Tomorrow's Plan
b- Special K cereal with 1% milk & banana (6)
s- yogurt (1)
l- grilled chicken on a WW bun w tomato and low fat mayo, green apple, diet Pepsi (8)
s- orange (1)
d- TBD: having a mother daughter night, so we may get Thai food...I have 16pts left to use, plus 30WPA
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I was thinking today about how far I actually HAVE come.
Although I have gained some of my weight back, I still have some success. I do not eat anywhere near as bad or as much as I used to. I don't get as winded doing things as I used to either.

Back in 2005 we had a heat wave, and John and I did not want to turn the stove on because it was so hot. We ate out waaaaaaaayyyy more than we should have. Probably no less than 3 times per week.
Also one horrible thing I used to do when I was bored was drive to some fast food restaurant and get a burger. I would do this in between lunch and dinner. I wasn't necessarily hungry. I just was bored and fast food was the first thing on my mind. This was such a horrible thing that I am glad I stopped doing. I didn't need the extra meal, let alone one that was so full of fat.
BLECH!!!

I think I can honestly say that WW has saved me from a horrible existence!!

Pleased!

So I am very happy with how my day went yesterday.
I have made a list of all of the groceries I want, along with the healthy meals I am going to make with them. I feel like I did when I joined WW 3 years ago (almost exactally), just excited to be eating healthier and losing weight!

My mom is going to go to the store for me, and get me the foods I need. I feel so deprived as I havent had ANY vegetables in my house for at least 2 weeks. My dinners are just lacking.

Yesterday's Food

B- Life cereal w 1% milk
L- Tuna Sandwich on whole wheat, astro fruit yogurt
S- Chips
D- lean breaded pork chops, homemade fries
S- frozen yogurt
32pts + 1 flex

The chips were not planned, but I tracked then and made them work in my day. As you can see my meals are severly lacking some produce!!

Today's Food

B- Life cereal w 1% milk
L- Tuna Sandwich on whole wheat
S- French Vanilla Cap + raspberry donut
*this was supposed to be a steeped tea and 2 timbits. They were out of timbits and I caved.
S- Granny smith apple
D- Steak & sweet potato

So far this leaves me with 6 points left. I think I may also have a yogurt before dinner, which still leaves me with 5

I will work on this!!

Have a great Tuesday

Sigh

Another week has gone by and more weight has been put on. It is really frustrating. I cant afford to put on any more weight.....really I cant. If I keep gaining, then my wedding dress will no loger fit and I will have to buy a new one.

I have always eaten my WPA and lost weight, but since I am rarely moving, I think I am going to try to not eat any of them (or very little) . I am pretty sure that this will help. I will test it out for a couple weeks and see how itworks for me.

Another thing I HAVE to start getting back to is drinking water. This should also help me.

Lets hope this week is better than the last has been.

-----------------------------
On a positive note, John and I met with the photographer for our wedding. Things are really coming together and I am very very pleased! RSVP's have been rolling in and people still have 4 weeks to send them.
We have received money from his parents to help pay for the vendors (besides the hall/dinner).

I will have to walk down the aisle with crutches or a cane....so I will have to make ideas on how to decorate them. So far that is the only snag to my wedding, so I will be ok if it is the only one.

Well....It's Monday

And I am actually feeling pretty good.....(except the hip pain...that is still present)

I decided that because I am not going to be able to do much activity with my broken leg, and the other issues that has brought about I need to focus more on what I am eating. I decided to suck it up and rejoin WW Online. I don't really have the money, but it helps me become more accountable for what I am doing; and I missed the recipe builder.

I already tracked today (including the dinner I haven't eaten yet) and it leaves me with 2 points left for the day. I think I will treat myself to some fat free frozen yogurt. MMMM!!

I tracked for Saturday and Sunday. I didn't do as well those days as I wanted, but I tracked, and still have most of my WPA, I just didn't make the best choices (Pizza....mmmm)
-------

Right now I am working at lab in a university and I enjoy my job and love the people I work with, but I think I a ready for something new. My contract with this job ends in October (unless my employer gets more money for me) and I cant wait until I have no job to find a new job. Also where I work is where I did my placement for school and is my first real job since graduating. I think I am ready to move on to something different.

The issue I have is that where I live, there are no jobs available. I look every couple days but there's nothing. If I were to move to a bigger city like Toronto or Ottawa I would have trouble finding a job, but here not so much.

I am not going o let this get me down as I have just under 6 months to find one, but I just don't want to be unemployed (or work somewhere for minimum wage)

Going the Wrong Way

well things seem to be going the wrong direction for me.
I haven't lost any weight since recommitting myself. I am not going to freak out yet, but I'm kind of displeased.
When I started on March 13 I weighed 248.3 and I now weigh 250.0
I know it's not a lot, and I am happy that since I cannot walk that I am pretty much maintaining my weight, but maintenance is not what I want.

I will have to pay tighter attention to what I am eating because that seems to be the only thing that will help me right now.

TODAY I start being more strict with my food!!!
-------
Another thing going the wrong way is the healing of my leg. Well not really the wrong way, but definitely at a stand still.

I was originally told that I would be able to walk on my wedding day (which is 70 days from today). I went to the doctor on Thursday and it looks like I may not be able to walk by then. At my appointment I was told that it will be at least 2 months before I will be able to start using my leg. My xrays show that there hasn't been very much healing of the bones, as they look almost the same as they did back in February when I broke it.

I am kind of frustrated about it and was stressing about it for a couple days. I had already accepted the fact that I would at least be requiring a cane to walk down the aisle. I had plans to decorate the cane, and have no trouble walking down that aisle. Now I may need crutches which I don't really want.

I am trying to stay positive about everything and I am still hoping that a cane is what I will be using. Keeping my fingers crossed!!!

Post Easter

So for Easter John and I went to visit his family in Peterborough. Things went OK but I could have done a WHOLE lot better!!

I don't know what it is but every time I am visiting his family I think it is an excuse to eat. I don't have much self control. I did OK on some of the days that I was there, but it was after I realised that the first few days were not so hot.

When it came to my meals I never overate. My portions were normal size and seconds were not existent. My issue came to the goodies. I may have mentioned it in a previous post, but my FMIL loves to bake. If there is an event, there are baked goods.

The day we got there she had white coconut macaroons made...YUMMY!! i couldn't keep my hands off. Later that day she made Buttermilk Potato Doughnuts.
*these may sound odd but they are SOOOO good. The dough is made with mashed potatoes among the other normal baking ingredients.
These doughnuts are deep fried and then dipped in sugar. Not healthy but really good.

The next day was John's dad's birthday, which included birthday cake....and more (like 4-5) doughnuts.

The next day was Sunday.... EASTER!! And on top of dinner what did I have?.... A slice of pumpkin pie with whipping cream. She also made lemon meringue and cherry pie. Easter dinner is when I realised that I need to slow down and pay more attention to what I am eating.

We were in ptbo for 2 more days and I had in that time 1 more small slice of pie and 1 doughnut so a lot better.
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On Saturday I was in Loblaws with John and his mom to get the birthday cake for his dad. We were on our way to the cash registers and what happens?????? My right crutch (that supports my broken right leg) finds some water on the floor and down I go! I land on my foot of the broken leg, and then on the floor, knocking down potted plants with me!!! UGH!
So pain.....Yes
activity....No because walking around with my leg hanging was hurting, and was much better for me to sit on the couch with my leg propped up.

I go to the doctors tomorrow to make sure I didn't cause more damage. I am not in a lot of pain so I think I may have just irritated it more than anything. I do have 2 metal plates and 21 screws so I think they held me in place pretty well.

Well that was my Easter....hope you all had a great and healthy one!

horrible reminder

I decided that it was time for a rude awakening, and a horrible reminder. I thought I needed to put up these picture to remine me of where I started and where I dont want to return.

These pictures were taken on my 22nd birthday (March 2006). I was at my highest weight of 274lb and I wasn't very happy. I decided on May of that year it ws time to change my life

Weight: 274 size: 20-22

Current weight: 248.8 size: 16-18

Easter's a coming

So Easter is on it's way and it is going to be DIFFICULT!! this is where my restraint is going to have to kick it into high gear.

John (fiance) and I are going to his parents house tomorrow morning.
Friday's dinner is to celebrate our birthday's (Mine was March 22 and His April 3) and his mom is cooking a roast. This means gravy, buttery potatoes, and carrots dripping with butter.
Sunday dinner is turkey dinner. Sooooo very similar to Friday.
She wants to bake a birthday cake.
John wants her to make homemade donuts
She will probably be making a pie (she makes minimum 8 pies for Xmas)
and then on top of it all, she will be giving us chocolates, I know it

PORTION CONTROL will be my best friend this week!!!

I will be trying my best to get online; here and on ww.ca to be accountable for everything I do and eat. I cant afford to gain any more weight right now!!

I WILL be successful
I WONT overeat

but I am scared