I need a change

I really need a kick in the ass and a slap in the face.

I SAY I will be better
I SAY that I will track
I dont.

I have no idea where to get motivation from.
I read other people's blogs hoping to find motivation that way....doesn't work.

I am not sure what to do
I weighed myself yesterday.....after eating some chips and dip.... I was back to where I was when I rejoined a year ago....sigh. 261.....261...... man things are not going well for me and I need to get myself out of this junk food hole.

100

Yes this is post number 100.
I don't really have anything special to say.
No good news, nothing fun.....just that this is post 100.

By this time I wanted to lose a lot more weight than I have so far.
it's been a year since I decided to get back into losing weight and I have only lost 5lb since then. I really wish I could get myself back to where I was 3 years ago when I lost 52lb. I kick myself when I think about how much weight I have put back on.

The broken leg (which still hasn't healed) has really put a damper on everything. It has messed with my emotions as it has ruined some things for me and is making my life really difficult right now. I can't do my job the way it should be done, I can't exercise, I cant drive for long periods, it's hard to go anywhere on my own. My contract at work is ending and I need to find a job. Who is gonna want to hire someone who cant walk without crutches??? especially to work in a lab.

This Friday is 24 weeks since I broke my leg!!!! that is almost half of the year!!!!! It is beyond getting ridiculous now!!!

Enough of that sadness!
I have decided that now that the wedding is over, and I am back from my honeymoon that it was time to get my but back in gear and at least eat healthy. Well I decided this yesterday and what did I eat..... 1/2 bag of dill pickle chips.....eek! I have been craving them for weeks and just fel like I needed them. Now I need John to finish them so I wont.

I did some grocery shopping and tried to get some foods that I can eat that are healthier for me. I think I did pretty good! Now to get back into tracking mode and I will be back 100%

MRS. RIDLEY!!!

I am now married!! I got married on June 27 to the love of my life and it was a great day!!!

When I get more pictures I will definitely post them. Here are some that were taken with my mom's camera (none from the ceremony as she was part of it).

I am going on my Honeymoon this Saturday on a Western Caribbean Cruise.

After all of this I NEED to get back on track!! I am seeing myself slowly getting larger and it ain't looking pretty.

Because I am not walking as much (you know because of the broken leg still......sigh), I am losing a lot of muscle mass and I am putting on fat. SOOOOOO not good! My belly is getting larger and soon clothes are not going to fit properly.

Once I get back from my honeymoon, I am going to be more strict about my food!! If we are going to start a family in the near future I need to get myself healthy!!!!!

I really need to be eating better. I can say that this week has been better than last week, but I have gotten myself into the "I really don't FEEL like cooking" mood, which is not really a mood to be in. I look in my cupboards and none of the food in them appeal to me. I guess I am just board with my food but not sure what I want to do with mix or spice it up. It would really help if I could just run to the store and grab something to cook.....sigh.

I am driving now, since I can put 50% pressure on my leg (it doesn't take that much pressure to press the gas pedal), the issue is that it takes so much time to get in and out of the car.

I get to my car and put the crutches in the passenger seat. I take my air cast off and put it in the passenger seat. I carefully put a shoe on my foot of the broken leg.....this is a challenge because my foot is still swollen and I cant just yank the shoe on. Then I drive. When I get to my destination, shoe comes off, boot goes on, get out of car, grab crutches and go....... then the process goes over again when I am done in the store -- I also cant push a shopping cart very well.
This is going to be a long few months.....AGAIN!



On a different note, I decided that I needed to somehow make some more money and for a while didn't know what I was going to do. I have now figured that out!!
I am now an Independent EcoAdvisor for OnlyGreen. OnlyGreen sells environmentally friendly products including beauty & health products, baby care, household products, clothing & accessories, paper & plastic alternatives etc. and I am selling these products.

If you are interested check out the Spring Summer Catalogue: http://www.onlygreen.com/media/files/Catalog_SpringSummer09.pdf

And if you would like to purchase any products you can do so through me:
http://www.ea.onlygreen.com/nikishagrant
nikishagrantridley@hotmail.com

Anxious

That is how I am feeling.....
Just about the wedding and everything happening. It's coming so fast. If doesn't feel like that long ago I got engaged, but that was 18 months ago!

Just trying to tie up some loose strings, but so far so good.

As for the leg....
I had my Doctor's appointment for my leg. This Friday will mark week 18 wince the break and I am still hobbling around on crutches.
My doctor informed me that it will be at LEAST 2 more months again that I have to use the crutches and I cannot weight bare more than 50% on my broken leg.
UGGGH this healing process is soooooo slow. Different doctors keep asking me if I am a smoker or if I live with a smoker because it can slow down the bone healing process. The answer to both is NO.

The doctor has given me permission to walk down the aisle with a cane, so I am happy about that. Less likely to get my dress all dirty and easier to get down the aisle. It's pretty short so I think I will be good.

What sucks is that I have this stupid boot on ALL SUMMER!!!! It is going to get sweaty and stinky and I wont be able to do a lot of the activity that I was planning on doing this summer. I wanted to ride my bike to work, I wanted to go for hikes with John, so I guess I will have to wait another year for that.

WW
Like I said before I haven't really been following it, but just trying to maintain. I had a bad week eating wise last week (or maybe it was 2 weeks ago) where I had KFC, McDonald's, Dairy Queen and I think Burger King all in the same week. SOOOOOOO not good for me! This week I have been much better in watching what I eat. As long as I don't gain I am happy. Once the wedding is done I am going to focus more on my points again. There is just so much in my brain right now that points have been pushed on the back burner. That will change soon!